OUT ON THE HILL is the official blog of the Victory Congressional Interns. Views expressed do not necessarily reflect those of LGBTQ Victory Institute. Learn more about the internship at victoryinstitute.org/vci.
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Ever since the John Hartford song came up on my Spotify Discover Weekly playlist a week ago, I can not seem to get the lyrics out of my head:
“It’s hard to think this eve of parting
Turns to sand of summer gone
When both our minds are warped with parting
Break the thought of nights alone”
While the eve of parting may still be weeks away, my mind has been warped with all the thoughts of what is to come. What will I leave Capitol Hill with? Who will I be when this program has ended? And, the ever lingering question, where will I go?
When I applied to this program, I did not know just how much it would entail. I had a general idea, hopes for what it may offer, but I could not have known all of the impacts this experience would have on me. The joys, the trials, the connection, the growth. None of it was anything I could have predicted. Perhaps that is what makes parting seem so difficult to grasp.
I came into this program knowing that I did not want to become a politician. The idea of being the face and voice of the people scared me, and it still does, but I have been inspired by the passion of those around me. Their goals, their dreams, the changes they want to see in the world. While we may go about change in different ways, all of us here as Victory Congressional Interns yearn to make a difference. To be part of a world where seeing LGBTQ+ identifying people and other minorities in positions of power is a norm not a battle. Where values of care and acceptance are upheld in all sectors of U.S. society. It is empowering to be part of a network of young people growing to meet the challenges of our society.
As I have navigated the unfamiliar world of politics, I have had to adapt myself to its rules. This has not always been a pretty process. My moments stumbling over my words during constituent calls, getting lost in the tunnels around the U.S. Capitol building, and uncomfortably stammering through a conversation with a Congressman who boarded an elevator with me were not the sleek elegant vision of a “Hilltern” that I hoped to put forward. Luckily, I had people around me who could help guide me through the process or at least offer a listening ear as I vented my struggles and frustrations from the week.
With support and my own drive to make the most of my time here, I have developed strategies to stay professional regardless of whatever doubts I may have in myself. It has been important for me to speak up about what I am interested in doing and take on any task that is thrown my way. By putting myself out there, I have had the opportunity to do far more in the office than I could have anticipated. I look forward to the challenge of a new task and exploring different issue areas that our office covers. I have already done tasks for every member of the office, and it has been interesting to engage in a piece of each of their work. By the time I leave this office I hope to have tackled a task related to every major issue area the Congresswoman covers.
At this moment, my parting from Victory and my Congressional office is not the only ending I am facing. By the end of this program, I will have completed my undergraduate career and will be preparing for a new chapter in my life. While I am fortunate to have my next step lined up (I will be starting grad school in Beijing in September) I cannot help feeling like I am walking blindfolded off a cliff. I know I have done everything in my power to create a safety net, however, the questions and worries of change never cease to fill my overthinking mind. The primary one being, is this the right choice? I do not have an answer for that, but I have learned from my time with the LGBTQ+ Victory Institute that I can make the most out of any experience and the doubts I have in myself become irrelevant when shared with a supportive community.
I do not know if I will ever be prepared for parting, but I know that this is not truly a goodbye. The connections that I have made in Washington, D.C. will linger long past my physical presence here. I can hold the friendships, challenges, and joys from this program in my heart and allow the passions of those around me power me through as I step onto a new path.
