OUT ON THE HILL is the official blog of the Victory Congressional Interns. Views expressed do not necessarily reflect those of LGBTQ+ Victory Institute. Learn more about the internship at victoryinstitute.org/vci.
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“Place is about geography — but also memory and imagination. People make places even as places change people. Places are secured by individual struggle and spirit. Place is where culture is made, where traditions and histories are kept and lost, where identities are created, tested, and reshaped over time.”- National Museum of African American History and Culture
I remember pacing through my friend’s studio apartment in East Village over Spring Break as I read through each line and space of the acceptance email from the Victory Institute. I felt ecstatic that my hard work —pouring my heart into countless cover letters and nights spent researching internships—had finally borne fruit. In the months between accepting the offer and moving in, I often found myself up until 2 am, crafting endless lists in my notion detailing how I envisioned spending every waking moment in DC; I was determined to make the most of my eight-week experience. Despite the lingering anxiety and homesickness that occasionally gripped my mind, the first week of becoming acquainted with the VCI cohort and interns in the Democratic Women’s Caucus (DWC) grounded me in the surreal reality. I had truly arrived at Capitol Hill.
During my visit to the National Museum of African American History and Culture, a particular exhibit lured me into its vicinity. In huge Times New Roman Font, the first wall reads “Place Yourself” with a glaring set of questions settled comfortably underneath the title. My heart sank slowly as I read through each question, registering that the answers grew increasingly ambiguous as I went through the list. Is some place meaningful to you? What are the places you carry with you? What is your home place? As I cruised through the rest of the museum, my mind grew increasingly erratic at the aching feeling that had settled within the depths of my stomach after that exhibit. Out of the many places I have moved and traveled to during my lifetime, DC had become the one place I could not seem to place myself in.
Each week of the internship grew challenging, not because of the workload, but because the idea I was a fraud kept eating away at my mind. Unlike my fellow interns, I couldn’t immediately recognize Congressmen, having cluelessly bumped into many during my daily trips through the halls of the Capitol. I could not grasp the language seen in many bills and hearings, spending hours after work dissecting each hearing and legislation. The short 15-minute morning commutes to work were now dedicated to catching up on current events and scouring through every news channel for the latest controversies and developments. While battling the huge learning curve, I only grew weary from the efforts to maintain a facade of knowledge and confidence. One thought persistently made its way through my head every day: I do not think I can place myself here.
However, I never knew that a single coffee chat would fundamentally reshape my perspective on my experiences as a DC intern. As I awkwardly sat in my cubicle at the DWC office, flustered by my AirPods refusing to connect to my computer, and as the details of the exchange were aired out to the rest of the office members, I recounted everything I had been holding back during the 30-minute call with a former VCI intern.
As I discussed despondently my feelings of self-doubt, my coffee chat companion offered a perspective that resonated with me deeply. Out of the hundreds of applicants, I was chosen for a rare opportunity—a chance that many queer people and people of color would not have, given how many of our institutions are still upheld with values of white supremacy. Yet, instead of embracing the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, I chose to spend every waking moment embracing the negative thoughts spiraling through my mind and confining myself to the walls of my apartment. I failed to recognize my numerous accomplishments over the past four weeks because I was too focused on what I saw as shortcomings, rather than celebrating my successes.
He then proceeded to reframe my anxieties. Although I had to embrace a huge learning curve, I had been consistent in my efforts to learn from my peers and maintain a routine to stay informed. I had been motivated to attend receptions and connect with people in the different pockets of the city. I had been willing to wake up early to explore what the city had to offer and pursue sidequests with my friends and the VCI interns. I should be proud that I chose to persevere despite how difficult it felt. Though it was difficult to accept, the conversation had spoken nothing but truth. I had been blind to the growth I had undergone, and the opportunities I had received. It was finally time for me to open my eyes and appreciate all that this internship experience had to offer to me.
Soon, I found myself leaning against the pathway of the Tidal Basin, deep in contemplation of the revelations from the coffee chat. As I observed the bustling scenes around me—from the joyous families to the anxious college tour groups—it dawned on me that each person here had found their unique path to this place whether it be temporary or permanent.
Just as others had been able to place themselves in DC, my career aspirations would have inevitably placed me here, regardless of whether I had been a VCI intern or pursued another program well into the future. The threads of belongingness would undoubtedly weave their way to root me within the nation’s capital. DC would be the place for me to feel the breeze, experience the highs and lows of adulting, immerse myself in city culture, smile amongst friends from places near and far, and return to somewhere in my life’s journey. And, I had the duty to embrace my place in this city, particularly as I spend this summer in DC.
So, even if I fully believed this story does not do justice to the words I carry, the idea that it could extend some support to allow future interns to place themselves within DC motivated me through completion.
