OUT ON THE HILL is the official blog of the Victory Congressional Interns. Views expressed do not necessarily reflect those of LGBTQ+ Victory Institute. Learn more about the internship at victoryinstitute.org/vci.
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Being an intern on Capitol Hill with anxiety isn’t easy. Frankly, being an intern isn’t easy, period. It takes time to realize that everyone struggles, so practicing self-care is essential. You’ll inevitably encounter moments of dread, like sending your first email with a typo to your supervisor or finding your voice cracking after picking up the ringing phone. And of course, there’s the internalized perpetual solo game of comparison with your peers: the allure of your school’s prestige, the internships tally, or losing yourself in how confidently they speak. But, it’s crucial in moments like these to take a breath, ground the racing thoughts, and extend a generous dose of grace to yourself.
Granted, it’s easier said than done, but trust me, it’s necessary. As I delved into this internship, a persistent voice echoed that I didn’t belong here, that I paled in comparison to everyone else. The mystery of how I landed here remained unsolved in my head. I mean–I don’t go to a fancy school. I go to a small liberal arts college fifteen minutes from my parent’s place. I also don’t come from a political epicenter. Sure, York, PA had the Articles of Confederation, but that’s a failed document so who cares? Despite these doubts, I got here, right? What was I questioning about myself that I hadn’t yet recognized?
I came to realize that my relentless self-scrutiny was rooted in the expectation to embody a version of myself I am simply not; I was starting to lose myself. In a city like DC, full of ambitious hustlers, I found myself caught up in the heavy traffic of opportunity. I felt so out of place, that I opted to conceal my perceived inadequacies instead of embracing vulnerability through more questions, fostering growth, and learning.
After a few deep conversations with my amazing fellow interns, Victory staff, and various mentors, it all started to click. After a coffee with one of my mentors who was a fellow Pennsylvanian and had a background in education policy, I remembered the original drive that got me where I am. It is crazy to think that I still held onto the same aspiration as 15-year-old Cindell who realized that they really didn’t like Betsy DeVos and wanted her job (okay, maybe not that extreme, but working in education policy is still the goal).
Also, keep in mind that you didn’t learn everything there is to know about politics in school, and you’re going to continue forgetting because you still have a life to live. But that’s okay thanks to the Library of Congress services, CRS, POLITICO Pro, Briefings, Memos, Prolegis, and the list goes on. I cannot stress enough how complicated the Federal government is, and there is so much more to the legislative process than what textbooks say. That’s why so many staffers–junior and senior–seek yearly training to refresh themselves on the legislative process.
As it turns out, newcomers to the Hill, or DC in general, often grapple with self-doubt. Some redirect their path toward state or local politics, the private sector, or nonprofit endeavors. Even after that they might return to the Hill or might take a different route like campaigning. In all honesty, the act of self-care is paramount, and involves grounding your thoughts and affording yourself grace as much as possible. The learning curve is ongoing, but rest assured, everyone else has been or is entangled in the web of doubt far too many times.
