OUT ON THE HILL is the official blog of the Victory Congressional Interns. Views expressed do not necessarily reflect those of LGBTQ+ Victory Institute. Learn more about the internship at victoryinstitute.org/vci.
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Growing up, I struggled with the feeling of not being American enough, stuck In Between two worlds that were both familiar and foreign. I would fight for a spot at the table in elementary school, finding the lightest spot of skin on my body just to show that I could fit in. It was a time where I’d rather live with seeing my mother’s tears as she realized I’d been tossing the lunches that she’d been lovingly packing for me at 6:00 AM than risk a whole table of kids exiling me because of my “embarrassing and exotic” kurtis. And when I did try to show my South Asian identity, the world seemed to shift on its axis. Suddenly, I wasn’t South Asian enough. Knowing all the words to a song by Bruce Springsteen, Taylor Swift, and Bon Jovi didn’t mean anything when so many people decided Sheila ki Jawani was in instead.
Even when I was thirteen, confused, and watching Teen Beach Movie, crushing on Grace Phipps in her polka dot dress, I was never “queer enough.” I would get into arguments with my friends who’d always laugh and tell me, “but you’re not really gay, right?” As I grappled with all the different pieces of my identity, I felt as if I was bouncing off a million different walls, switching back and forth between characters that catered to each group.
But at the end of it all, I felt wedged In Between all these versions of myself.
Coming to D.C., I prepared to find another version of myself to put on display. How can I be the perfect intern? How can I be a good representative from the Asian queer community? Being a part of LGBTQ+ Victory Congressional Intern program has led me to stop thinking about my place in the world as if it’s a piece of some larger jigsaw puzzle. I am no longer bouncing between the walls of the In Between, nor am I thinking about the suffocating feeling of trying to pretend to be someone I only “sort of” am.
Being part of such a brilliant intern cohort with unique people and experiences has taught me that as different as I am, it is just fine to find myself “stuck” In Between, figuring out who I am and who I want to be. As I continue my time on the Hill, each piece of legislation I work on becomes a reflection of the hope I have for people like me to see themselves represented authentically. I am grateful for my time here, as I use my experiences in the In Between to inspire others that value is derived not from assimilation but occupying spaces that I feel a part of, and that are a part of me. Because, ultimately, being in the In Between is enough.
